I was watching famous 2014 K Drama called “Cunning Single Lady” with Lee Min Jung as a female lead. The plot is as follows: A young beautiful lady desires stability and prosperity in her life. Her mother tells her that a woman has two chances in life to succeed — to become successful on her own or to marry someone successful. Thinking along this lines, she picks a young man who works a stable government job and appears smart. But only after three months after their marriage, the husband chooses to quit his stable government job and begin his own high tech business. Unable to find investors and without any income of his own, he fails to provide basic needs for his young wife, forcing her to work several jobs. For entire four years she races from one part time job to another, facing cold, hunger and humiliation to feed both herself and her husband until one day she decides that she had it enough. She changes the door lock and files for divorce.
The couple divorces and they go separate ways. She continues working hard to pay huge debts she accumulated during the years of her married life. He is devastated too, but the very same day they divorce, willing investors show up. He realizes his idea and becomes fabulously rich.
After three years his ex-wife finds out about what happened and plots for revenge — after all she is still paying the debts she got because of that man. She sneaks into his company as an intern and does all kinds of things to annoy him. Eventually, they realize they still like each other and fall in love all over again.
Now there are people who think she is only in it for money. She left him when he was in such a hard situation and wants him back when he is rich and successful. But there is another way to look at that too — it might be all a part of the package. After all, he married her for her beauty. And maybe personality too, but there could have been a lot of women with great personality — women with life experience, older women, women who have been hurt previously and learned their lessons in life. However, he chose the one who was extremely beautiful and the personality was fine too. It was all parts of her package just like his education, skills, and stable income were parts of his package. Does that make sense?
So when you look at things like that, the perspective of the woman is much more understandable. There are some people out there who have money and are sensitive to the issue. They fear that their partners pick them because of what they have and not because of who they are. But what they don’t realize is that it might be as well a part of their package, and even if it does have an influence during the mate choice process, it doesn’t mean that their partners don’t genuinely love them and care about them.
Same could be said about celebrities. If you look carefully, some celebrities are not the most attractive people in the world, yet treated as such. Park Hae Jin is one good example. Another recent example is Song Joong Ki who played the lead role in Descendants of the Sun, a drama that took Asia by storm.
There are many more examples for both men and women from East and West. It’s their fame, money and status that skyrockets their desirability. And, no matter how much some people try to deny that, it is possible to love someone without really knowing them based on their looks and status alone. Hence, it is possible to love a celebrity you never met in real life. Because when it comes to romantic love, a big percentage of cases is because we tend to project our own deep needs and desires onto another person without that person having to do anything. This is why when you eventually marry that person and a couple of years pass, you realize that they are not and have never been what you thought they were.
Even when someone “loves you for you”, there is no guarantee for happiness. While the personality is something not easy to lose, it still happens. You could become depressed. You could develop a mental disorder. You could get into a terrible accident and lie unconscious for the rest of your life. Do you think the feelings of your partner to the current version of you will be as intense as before when they loved you for your amazing personality? They may be there for you until the end out of sense of responsibility and loyalty, but do you really think they will be as passionate and in love as before? In the vast majority of the cases, they won’t be. And it’s fine. Because that’s the way the life is. And you have to accept that.
So don’t get worked up about people wanting something from you. Think of all the good things that you have as a part of your unique package and be thankful for having them. At the same time work on yourself, your personality, your qualities, the type of things that cannot be easily lost.